Looking Up

I am looking up... I get a job and meet a wonderful woman in the sameday. To every one that is looking down on themselves right now, I want you to cheer up. Look at me, life did a 180 turn for me in one day. Well good night all and sweet dreams... because you know I will be having them.

More Than Sorry

I lost a great friend the other day, due to my own stupidity. I just wanted to dedicate this song to her, even though she will never visit this site. My thoughts are still out there for her.
I am linking this song from one of my favorite artist, Ben Harper.

More Than Sorry

The day is coming to it's end...

I spent most of my day on the net even though it is my birthday. I was looking for good friends to chat with, yeah I know it is cheating by looking on the web for friends... But I have found some nice people in the past... even best friends. Well I am going to get some cheese cake and come back and check my mail.

Still here,
Lonely Adam

It's my birthday!

Yep it is!
Thank you Wynn for wishing me a happy birthday first.
So tired I havent gotten any sleep in three days!
I am still wired!
Time to get up and go!

The b-day boy,
Adam

Not able to sleep... I guess I am getting old.

It is 6:43 AM and I cant sleep, I have laid here in a half conscious state of mind thinking about all kinds of things.

• How my friends day went and even if she is ok.
• If I could have done anything differently to keep the friend that I lost today.
• If my sister is ok, she was pretty sad about losing a friend as well.
• Why are my feet so cold.
• What time is it in Australia.
• When are these drunk sleeping people going to leave my house.
• Should I cry.
• Is some one up still.
• I wonder what kind of bird that is out side making all that noise.
• What will I do in life.
• I wonder who is on WoW.
• I miss my friends, they have all been so distant lately, I haven't gotten to talk to anyone today.
• Why does my chest hurt when I think about that.
• I need to clean my room.
• I need to fix my computer.
• I can taste the pizza I had just eaten still.
• When will everyone get up.
• I hope that the person whos family that I hurt today will realize how sorry I am and that I will miss her as a friend greatly.

I think that is what is bothering me the most.

Adam

Today life gave me rotten lemons.

I don't really want to talk about it. Well it's not so much not wanting to, as I can't. I just really need to cheer up, even though my insides feel crushed. If anyone has any ideas on how on how to cheer up a sorry soul please press the "responses" button to add a comment on how.

A Shitty Person

Finding Old Friends

I found an old friend... I don't know if she will respond or if she will just ignore me. I miss hearing from her and I have been worried about her because I haven't heard from her in almost six months. I thank her for all the good times we have had and for being my friend. We have had some arguments in the past that mean nothing now. I would trade anything just for her to at least say goodbye. She was my first good friend on the lifestyle World of Warcraft and I would like to think that she still is. I remember when we joined Signacide's guild together and that was the first time I met Sig, he offered to give me a mechanical squirrel. But I declined and told him instead of the squirrel to not included Miriah in any of the guild chats that were inappropriate. I was protecting someone worth protecting, I just hope she knows it, and can see that we miss her. We miss the fond times of grinding in the Highlands and the yelling through out Stormwind with Grumick. All the miss tells and oopses that have happened, I wouldn't trade them for the world. We are not mad, we are truly sad that we haven't or can't be apart of your life and just hope and dream that you will realize that you will always have friends here, you may not need them but they are here needing you.

This is all from the person you had once said was your first true friend on WoW,
Adam Bowser (Schatten)

So very proud!

I am so proud of my friend. She works so hard, she is a full time mother/wife/student/employee/friend and I respect her more than anyone right now. I am thinking that she is ranking in the hero category or at least mine. I just hope she knows how much she means to me and to all of her family. I am at a loss of words and I can't tell her how proud I am for her.

Still thinking of you,
Adam

Bored.... but satisfied.

Stuck here at school... yes as you all know I am out of school but my Mother is a schoolteacher. She teaches 4th grade... UGH! She has her Masters degree in Language Arts, trust me she lets it be known... I quote:

"What did you say?" she asks.
"I aint going to do that" I say more clearly than before.
"I am sorry could you say that again?" She asks again, obviously hearing what I had said.
"Errrr... I am not going to do that mother." I say annoyed and frustrated at my own grammatical mess up.
She replies "Yes you are."

Anyways I am out to her school helping her get her classroom ready for the kids that will be here in a few days, and I have done everything she has ask besides leave her alone.... so I am sitting there bugging her while she is busy with a schedule for her classes and she tells me to go watch TV.... Errrr of all things TV and I hate TV I never watch it and I can't stand the News. Don't even get me started on the News.... so depressing...
I am off to do other stuff now... so tata for now... and I want some readers comments please... I want some input!

Adam

What an emotional day!

Yesterday was harsh.... In my off world my friends came and wished me off to the real world. Thank you Killishandra, Littlefry, Erisara, Signacide, and Fuzzypixles I owe you all!

Your friend,
Adam (Magique/Schatten)

I have found something that can bring you smiles, tears, joy, and anger all at the same time...

Music
The art of arranging sounds in time so as to produce a continuous, unified, and evocative composition, as through melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre.

That is their definition, here is mine.
Music is something you will cry for when you hear it and miss it when it is gone. Every song was writen by someone and they poured their heart, soul, and feelings into the simple grouping of words. It is every musican's dream to have someone listen to their song and have the listener empathize, identify, and sympathize with what is essentially their own heart, soul, and feelings. Music can make you stand strong and proud or it can drop you to your knees weeping like a child. One thing about music is that it changes from ear to ear--one person could could hear story of their own past or what is to come, and another could just hear a loud gituar or some one yelling at the top or their lungs. Some people have different ways of expressing
or relating to the way they feel, hence the reason for different genres.

Addictions Are Bad

I love to interact in a game called World Of Warcraft. I have been known be logged into that game for 48 hours at a time. It is not a game or a habit, it is a life style. I have decided with my best judgement to login one last time and have all of my friends come and see me off. December 26, 2005 7:20 PM was the first time I logged into WoW, on August 26, 2006 will be the last time I live this life style. Will I be back? Maybe, if I can get my life together and get out on my own with a paying job, yes. Otherwise no.
But at the moment I do not have a computer to access the world on the 26th... I talk to my mother about it and she said if this was the end, she would make my final wish come true, and I thank her greatly for that. It is late and I cant sleep, I have too much on my mind.
Well I will find something to do...
Adam

Friends come in all shapes (ages) and sizes (locations).

“A person's a person, no matter how small." -Dr. Seuss

Same goes for friends. I never expected to find a friend in this location, or at this age. She is my friends sister. She always said that she doesn't like me and I have always given her a good reason to not like me. I have always picked on her, but it took the power of chats to make me reallize that you can befriend almost anyone. When you look at them the right way and start treating them the way they deserve. You will go far and have a warm heart to comfort you on the way. She is wiser than expected and kinder than she shows. She has shown me that even the people you think that hate you, can still surprise you in the most pleasant of ways.

The Wish

Well this is a hard one... if I had a wish... what would I do with it? I think I would have to list all the possibilities and then pick.

• The first one every one thinks of... money. What would I do with it? I would pay for my GED and then collage and it would really turn my life around. Then I would start my own business and live my life, as I wanted fixing computers and searching for the one that will more than likely find me.

• I could wish for invulnerability (Never get sick, hurt physically, age, or die.) I would go through many lives and only one wife... Once we find each other I could never love again.

• Wishing for the end. To cease to live. No worries, no problems, no pain, no hurt, and no life. But under one condition, I was bestowed with the power to watch over my loved ones and guide them through their worries, problems, pains, hurts, and over all their lives.

• I don't think I am bold enough to wish for world peace. Human beings are incapable of peace. So it wouldn't work out any ways.

• To live happily ever after. Nah... I like to argue.

I have decided.... I wont decide.

Life goes on...

Ugh... why am I stuck behind! I royally messed my life up, not finishing school. Every one is moving on with out me, even when its not what they want to do. My best friend had the dream to be a novelist when she was a kid, now she knows that she can't do that and support her family so she is off to collage for something she dreads to go to every day. Not to mention that my other friends are out looking for either work or looking online for collages. I was just talking with one and he said that he is looking into game design and doesn't have much hope for it. What is this world coming to! I have been looking for a job forever, Michigan has really fell apart. My other friend just said her cousin or some one close to her has her Masters degree and she can't even find a job, I hate Michigan! I don't even see the point of school any more... but yet I stroll on. The hardest thing yet is that it will cost me 100$ just to take my GED, I don't have the money and I don't have a job because I don't have a diploma or a GED. It is a never ending circle. But it is my life so I must make the best out of it. If i had a wish I would wish for...

Poems From Within

Here are some poems that one of my good friends wrote, we decided to put them on the site. Thank you Sammi for your works of art.

How Do I

How do I find the words to say,
the things I feel in my heart?
How do I show you how I’ve felt,
right from the very start?

How do I know, you believe,
that everything I say is true?
How do I used the right words,
this is all just so new.

How do I give you my heart,
when yours doesn't sing.
How do I teach you to fly,
when you soar on broken wings.

How do I get you to play the cards you're dealt,
when the deck you play with isn't whole.
How do I get you to take a chance
when you're terrified to roll.

How do I keep you from hurting,
when the demons you face are your own?
How do I prove that I love you,
that you'll never have to face it alone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Come Away

Come away oh child of darkness,
come away from the pain of the night.
Your pain encases your body,
but you are not to far from the light.

The pain you feel within yourself,
is not too much to bear.
But the pain overcoming your soul my child,
is oblivious to the human mind.

Darkness covers your eyes for now,
this I know to be true.
But do not misinterpret my words,
for you my child there is hope.

So come away my child of darkness,
come away from the pain of the night.
your pain encases your body,
but you are not to far from the light.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Internal Prayer

I wake up in the night,
unable to say asleep.
I step into the crisp night air,
then take one deep breath.

I listen to the sound of the grass,
as it crunches beneath my feet.
There's a sudden gust of wind,
leaves of red and orange fall around me.

I take a seat,
on the cold, hard earth.
My bare feet are red,
my face a ghostly white.

I fall to my knees,
and say a silent prayer.
My eyes closed tight,
I hope that he will hear.

Sitting in the darkness,
not a soul in sight.
The stars shine brightly,
as I continue my internal fight.

New Friends

New peeps are great to an extent, but there is a point, a point that they are no longer peeps to you. They are transformed in your mind to... friend. Once you realize that you can open up to some one and share your feelings, you can begin a friendship. I have just started a friendship with a person that I can really relate to. Life is not easy on anyone; some times you just need some one else to look at your life to solve your problems. I enjoy helping peeps; even more I enjoy helping friends. I hope this friendship will always prosper. When life brings you what you want... take it!

Always in need of peeps.... then friends,
Adam

Friends or love..... or both?

Both, I met a wonderful person with personality, intelligence, and looks that rival those of an angel. I look at this person as a friend, but I also love this person with all of my heart.
It's a long story but I will spill some of my beans. I am one to believe now that helping people can reward you more then you could ever imagine. I was out, turning in a job application and happened to stumble upon a fumbling woman. She was asked by her employer to find a ring that was lost in a pigsty of a mess. So, I said I would help her, because I still had time before I had to turn in my application. Together we quickly made a killing on finding the ring. After words I noted her job location and asked her if she needed anything else.
Thankfully she said she did need some materials from the local suppliers. I said that it wouldn't be a problem and that I could grab them for her. After that I was hired by her company, to my surprise I was given the job to supply her with materials for her profession. Months had gone by, with the same give-take relationship, I had thought nothing more of it.
I had been having some trouble with a friend of mine, a close friend; she was in need of some one to talk to and some one to listen to her. I had been there for her for a while now. I needed a break; I needed some one to talk to myself.
Soon after that I was mopping around work and someone, someone I had never expected, showed me that they care, about me. It was the ring lady; she let me open up to her, and have talks with out any negative feed back. She was my coworker but still I never new her last name. Actually, I knew nothing about her. So we went for a walk and sat down on the riverbank, there were turtles in the water and a lost cat on the bench that we showed the way home.
We talked for hours upon hours about everything. Then it became a ritual, every day we would talk for hours and hours. Given the circumstances we could not take our relationship any farther. So, we remain friends and I still love her. I am thankful every moment that we had spent together. I wish we could have had more, but I had to hold my roaring horses, and just stay friends.

This is one of my stories; I like to talk about it, and will accept any and all questions.

First Blah

This is the start, welcome to the site.
This is the place that you unload your life and all of it's issues.
Every comment is welcome, feel free to be open, and never ever be shy.